1/02/2011

Fussing and Feuding

We broke up. After almost two years of being together whenever we could, we parted ways angry. I gotta tell you, that devastated me and it hurt him. And we did what all teens do when they hurt. We tried to get back together.

A friend of his told me that if I went out with someone else, it would make him jealous and he would want me back. It seemed like a good idea at the time. But it backfired badly. I went out with a boy older than me who was just back from Vietnam. I was in over my head with him. The things he did for fun were trouble - drinking and drugs and sex...I had learned about and liked all of these when I ran away from home, but he put some major effort into them to forget things he had experienced, I had only done them for fun and love...

It did make my boyfriend jealous, but it made him angry, too. He got his dad to sign the papers to let him join the army as soon as he could and we never saw each other again for fourteen years.

If you really want to get back together with someone, you have to do it WITH them. Go to them and talk it out. Maybe you can heal the hurt between you. But hurting them more will never work to heal things between you. And it feels BAD inside you to know you are hurting someone who cares...so you both end up hurting more - skip that part, if you can.

Wait a few days to cool off. Think about what upset your friendship. See if there is something you can both do differently to move ahead and stay friends. If not, you tried. If you can compromise and move on, you have built a new strength into your friendship by working out a problem together. That works. Hurt only hurts, it can't heal...caring and loving heals.

We didn't get a chance to show we still cared for many years because we were both too stupid to talk it over and work it out between us. He could have apologized for the hurt to me and I could have forgiven him the need to look cool to his friends and this story might have had a different middle altogether. Instead, we let our pride keep us apart.

From here, I'm telling you that pride is not a good reason to loose a friend, ever. Don't be too proud to try. Don't let hurt stop you from trying to heal it....you only hurt yourself...

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